I want to kiss the palm of your hand
Bury my words
Lose my thoughts between your fingers
Place my lips on the arch of your shoulder
Breathe you in like a dose of cocaine
Plant my kiss on the curve of your neck
For an eternity tasting your honey
Brush my lips against your collarbone
Instilling my scent in your skin
Sink my teeth into your hot flesh
Lustily feast upon your fire
Rest my lips on yours
To quench the thirst of hundreds dreams unborn
Or too soon crumbled
Piece me back together
With the melding of our breaths.
You smile back at me from between my lines
So I keep penning you down
with words beautiful and serene, perverted and mean,
innocent dreams and shameless obsessions
I draft life anew in which there’s a “me” next to “you.”
My soul’s become a notebook scribbled with my broken flight,
birds’ wings and butterflies’ dreams
Banished from their celestial palace.
I trace your treasured features with quivering fingers,
scrawl memory’s grins across denied chagrins.
I transcribe my heartbeat. I write in my blood.
And reach for your smiles from between my lines.
Inner analysis today was entertaining.
My perpetually derailed train of thought made me smile
—you know, that sarcastic smile that buds in the left corner of my lips
but a smile, nonetheless—
On such an insignificant planet
In this negligible universe
Out of who-knows-how-many multiverses
Here I am, the flea of a flea on a flea,
Making waves
“Oh, look at me as I am king flea,
And I am importanter than all other flea!”
In jocular contemplation I deduce
Life is not to be taken seriously
Rationality is absurd and temperance ludicrous
So who I am to ask of myself to be sane?
So write or don’t write,
Care or don
I write you down
to the last detail
Make you live inside my soul
You are a map I learn to navigate
One-half real, ten-halves fantasy
A recipe to disaster
I obsess and get mad on my being dependent on you
Then ask your advice
in my head
You always talk to me in my head
we carry endless conversations about the fate of the world
I make your coffee every morning before sunrise
although there’s just one cup on the counter
Then crawl back to bed to meet your hot skin
to find the bed empty
We take long walks, the kind we’ve never taken,
and smile at the thought of intimacy shared
and I never look to my right because I know you’re n
The clouds trickle their grayness into my blood,
and everything becomes commonly uncommon.
The air pricks my skin and makes my bones hurt
with cold.
It’s cold without you
and I haven’t learned how it’s with you yet
If ever.
Nowhere.
That is where I’m going
And I have all the options, and all the opportunities are mine,
and I can have anything I want
Except I don’t.
You I can’t have yet
If ever.
Immobile. My fingers rest onto my immobile heart.
Forgetting and wishing to relive
I search and find you distant
more and more each day
as if we didn’t exist once upon a time
If ever.
Like a drug you run through my veins
And no matter how many times I take my twelve steps
I always relapse.
One word, one look, one hug
Come with the power to lift me up to the highest clouds
and to the deepest abyss have the power to drag
Though every time I soar, I fall
I never learn
and misstep on the same path again and again
But love is not a mistake
and regrets have no place
so I’m left with a cycle of comings and goings,
of questions unanswered, of truths and lies.
A man should never have such power over another,
Yet I am letting you,
Damn, I’m inviting you to,
And all I need when the withdrawal fever’s shaking me
is j